Pick a cigarette and start smoking.
I should be happy in this last day of the year, especially it's also my birthday. In fact, I'm in my lowest state.
This year, I think it's the worst year of my life; ruins everything I touch, loosing job, another fail relationship, my friends start leaving me, went bankrupt, and the worst... I can't focus and find some determination.

I had a conversation with mom this morning, mommy tells me about her friends who have to had a kidney surgery. It's her only left, because last year doctor saved her life by taking the other one.
And I say "it's about time mom, how old is she anyway. It's nature, everybody have to die somehow"
"NO!, look at me dear! I'm old, but I never give up, unlike you, not everyone thinks that life's just about waiting for death. I feel sorry to you, if you don't know what's the meaning of life and survive! There's something wrong with you, and if you don't fix it immediately, you'll end up crazy."

I hold my words, I didn't know, that that kind of comment would turned out this way. I left mom, and say silently; I do know mom... I've experienced to live with someone who had struggling for whole 9 months against cancer.
It's more than 3 years my dad passed away, but remember anything about him, is always triggering my tears. You're right mah, I have to do something, instead of try to find what it is the best for me, in fact, I have never find anything....

Thanks for reading this, I have to share, I could barely hold it alone